Language issues. The problem is that I speak English, and Nom speaks English. (We both also speak French, her better than me, and she also speaks Vietnamese, but that’s all beside the point here.) I speak Man English, and she speaks Woman English, two very different dialects. As in any dialectal difference, there are subtlies in one that do not exist in the other.
Today, Nom sent me out to bring home the bacon. Well, actually lamb chops, salad, and other victuals. I did go to work in the morning to earn money, but the afternoon was food shopping. While out, she asked that I get her sanitary pads. No, not for Hedgefund, she’s growing fast, but not that fast; the pads were for Nom herself. Hadn’t needed in a while, what with that pregnancy thing and all. Realizing that to a man, “sanitary pads” are mysterious and I would not be versed in all the intricacies, she got specific. Apparently they come in thin, extra-thin, regular, extra-regular, heavy, extra-heavy, and I-didn’t-know-the-human-body-had-that-much-blood-in-it. She was very specific which brand and thickness she wanted, even specifying that it came in a lime green box with a dolphin on it. Since it is well-known that even the brightest boy friends are rather dunces, she repeated that several times. I stopped her from finding a color chart or drawing a dolphin for me, and toddled off to the store.
Found the store. Check. Found the aisle with feminine products. Check. Found the sanitary pad section in that aisle. Check. Found her brand. Check. Found her thickness. Check. Found… that one has to sub-specify day, night, short, regular or long. All of them in lime green boxes, none of which had dolphins on them. Fortunately she called me just about then to say they were going on sale tomorrow and I should hold off buying any.
In another related rant: lime green? What’s with female color names? No lime ever grown is the color known as “lime green,” either inside or out. I’ve seen limes (preferably perched on the side of glass of something nourishing). As a Dermatologist, I can distinguish very subtle color differences. Further, as a highly articulate and well-read person, I actually understand the difference between, say, cerulean and azure. Well, understand it intellectually. Deep in my soul, colors, real colors, have names like red, yellow, or blue. Peach is a fruit. (Orange swings both ways.) Persimmon is likely a fruit, although I have no personal experience with one, and wouldn’t recognize it if it were on my plate. Puce simply doesn’t exist in nature. If I saw a puce on my plate, I’d call Ghost Busters.